Strange

Everything around me is quite, and silent. I feel loose and strange. The walls and the paint strokes on them somehow are so much more interesting. I feel connected with myself. Yet, I feel dis connected from this world. The walls, are they moving? The silence of the nature, the cool breeze. I feel pleasent, calm and look forward for the morning. Another round of meditation, I suppose.

Random Thought #3

A month in Pune has already passed by. It has been a wonderful experience, and yet continues to be. Every day is a new lesson, a new journey and revelation within another. Coming here, surrounded by this beautiful weather, the foothills of Saiyadri’s, the lake behind and surrounded by so many likeminded people, it has given me ample opportunity to reflect and get lost in my thoughts.

Being a single child to a single working mother, gave me the opportunity to create my own tiny wonderful world in my thoughts, where everything is always according to my sense and sensibilities. Where, I can sit and go about thinking and things fall into place. A place, where I don’t need to communicate with words, my thoughts are enough. I can question and counter question myself. Be at peace within. Over time I realized, people find it hard to have relationships with me, be it my friends, classmates, partner or my relatives. My little world overshadows the reality where I speak more in my mind than in reality.

Growing up with less distractions than others, always gave me a lot of time to think and play things in my head. My soul and mind always in a game of its own, the body a vessel for medium of contacts. Within these few days, a lot of people have had a hard time to work with me, because I barely speak openly, and rather play it loud in my mind.

Has the phase of psychosis changed me? Yes, I feel the change within and its reflection in my everyday life.

”This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember; we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion.”

Do you remember?

Do you remember the day at Safdarjung Development Area? The day we got drunk, we walked on for ages, the day we were head banging to Joint Family and we were racing on the streets? Do you remember our first joint together? Do you remember the times at the ruined fort, the times we dissed each other? And the time you called me from your hostel before you called your own parents, you called and got sentimental because you didn’t like the place?

Do you remember our last conversation; we talked about Tool and the psychedelic side of life. We planned to go for the Indian Ocean gig and then for the Urban Soundscape gig the very weekened. We planned to do acid together, but you were long gone by then.

Now I hate my hostel people, but where are you?

I hope your tripping up there bro. I hope you are chilling with the music legends and tripping on the other side of life and discovering newer things. But I do hope we get to meet again soon and I can tell you about everything. And thanks for being there in the Forest with us. Don’t ask me, but Saksham, Ishar, Kanishka all of us felt you there. No wonder it is a spiritual journey. Thanks for being there when we needed you.

The Forest

The time has stopped, it’s moving so slowly. It seems to be in a loop, it keeps repeating itself. I can predict the movements of these guys and their actions. The moon looks much closer and bigger than before. Not the usual size. Why is it so bright? Is it saying something, trying to show us something? The peacocks and peahens are making sounds all around us. They do not mind us sharing their space, and enjoying the night-time and beauty of the clearance. I can hear Tool being played. It seems like the nature is communicating to us through the music. Whatever Maynard is saying makes perfect sense at this moment. Is all of this happening or am I imagining it?

My physical body is very tired and exhausted; the mind is very much active. Lying down on the wet grass and staring into space, the moon is evolving and changing shape. The physical body is on the ground but why do I feel like I am flying?

The night sky is beautiful. So many colours all around, the light from the streets is somehow illuminating the sky. It’s a mix of orange and red, blue and black. The trees are swaying and dancing all around us, enjoying the freedom of the nigh time. Cool breeze blows across my face, making me feel pleasant. We’re drifting through time and space, yet our physical presence feels grounded. 

I feel relaxed and connected. I feel matured, much calm than before, enjoying every bit of this scenic beauty. I don’t want it to end, but it will eventually. Now the only thing I can do is, try coming into this state of mind without psychedelic. Trying to feel like this, trying to viewing things from the psychedelic perspective. It’s been over a day when I finally pen this down, and somehow, I feel the same. I think my thought process has been altered. I feel much more at peace and spiritually connected. Also, I think I see sound in between from time to time.

If you notice close enough on this blog, you’d see that I wasn’t that active before April. Reason being, I was bombarded with exams, studies and other commitments. Now that, everything is out of the way, I have more time to think and interpret on things. Well, as most of my close friends and family members know, I have been selected into MIT Institute of Design, Pune. One of the best design schools in the country, where I’ll be pursuing bachelors of Design for the next four and a half years. Shifting to another city is pain in the ass really. I am trying to spend as much time with the near and dear ones really. I also feel pity at the kids trying to get into the Delhi University this year, and the kids who were entrancing for every damn thing on this planet.

College will be another four fold chapter of my life, where I plan to acquire more knowledge and learn new things. It’s hard to think about all the things and people, I will be leaving back in Delhi, only to visit them twice or thrice a year. Fucked up, isn’t it? Though after talking to a senior from college, my excitement has increased marginally and I am really looking forward to it.

Though, the funniest thing to happen while I was entrancing was the NLU Delhi exam, which I gave because I just felt like giving it. Being totally unprepared and not at all worried about the result because of the design seat waiting for me in Pune, I had a gala time, drinking six glasses of water, staring at the students, the invigilators and fiddling around with my bench. Shockingly, my result wasn’t that bad either. I got 80 out of 150.

Now that everything is out of the way, I am looking forward for the college life, putting up in a hostel and in a totally different state surrounded by people I’ll meet for the first time. I might end up with few close friends or none at all. Which will be an experience in it self. Sharing a room with a fellow like minded guy will be welcome nevertheless. Oh, just to rub it in, I won’t have exams in my college. Yeah, get jealous now, everyone is. :P

Till next time. 

The Moon

I made this is in absolute darkness with just two pencils. It is just a clichéd attempt to show how we humans are fueling the scenic beauty of the environment and the night time beauty and the positive energy of the moon. I had no clear idea what I had manage to make in the darkness of the ground till the time I came back home later that night. The moon, a thing of beauty shines upon us with its positive energy and illuminates our surroundings with clear light and we go on to go and spread darkness with our negative actions, reactions and fights. This was the night before the total lunar eclipse.

Till next time.

What do you see?

I made this as part of my MIT design portfolio. Material used is canvas and acrylic paint. I did not use a ghetto, because I did not want the smooth touch to the paint and background. I like it rough. The paint lines are not perfectly straight, because then it would be too pre decided. Imperfect is perfect in its own sense. As most people who know about colors, would know red stands for love and black can be used for negativity. Same is the case here. What do you see in it? I see two souls separated because of negativity and miss communication, but what came in between us?