Strange

Everything around me is quite, and silent. I feel loose and strange. The walls and the paint strokes on them somehow are so much more interesting. I feel connected with myself. Yet, I feel dis connected from this world. The walls, are they moving? The silence of the nature, the cool breeze. I feel pleasent, calm and look forward for the morning. Another round of meditation, I suppose.

Random Thought #3

A month in Pune has already passed by. It has been a wonderful experience, and yet continues to be. Every day is a new lesson, a new journey and revelation within another. Coming here, surrounded by this beautiful weather, the foothills of Saiyadri’s, the lake behind and surrounded by so many likeminded people, it has given me ample opportunity to reflect and get lost in my thoughts.

Being a single child to a single working mother, gave me the opportunity to create my own tiny wonderful world in my thoughts, where everything is always according to my sense and sensibilities. Where, I can sit and go about thinking and things fall into place. A place, where I don’t need to communicate with words, my thoughts are enough. I can question and counter question myself. Be at peace within. Over time I realized, people find it hard to have relationships with me, be it my friends, classmates, partner or my relatives. My little world overshadows the reality where I speak more in my mind than in reality.

Growing up with less distractions than others, always gave me a lot of time to think and play things in my head. My soul and mind always in a game of its own, the body a vessel for medium of contacts. Within these few days, a lot of people have had a hard time to work with me, because I barely speak openly, and rather play it loud in my mind.

Has the phase of psychosis changed me? Yes, I feel the change within and its reflection in my everyday life.

”This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember; we are eternal, all this pain is an illusion.”

Do you remember?

Do you remember the day at Safdarjung Development Area? The day we got drunk, we walked on for ages, the day we were head banging to Joint Family and we were racing on the streets? Do you remember our first joint together? Do you remember the times at the ruined fort, the times we dissed each other? And the time you called me from your hostel before you called your own parents, you called and got sentimental because you didn’t like the place?

Do you remember our last conversation; we talked about Tool and the psychedelic side of life. We planned to go for the Indian Ocean gig and then for the Urban Soundscape gig the very weekened. We planned to do acid together, but you were long gone by then.

Now I hate my hostel people, but where are you?

I hope your tripping up there bro. I hope you are chilling with the music legends and tripping on the other side of life and discovering newer things. But I do hope we get to meet again soon and I can tell you about everything. And thanks for being there in the Forest with us. Don’t ask me, but Saksham, Ishar, Kanishka all of us felt you there. No wonder it is a spiritual journey. Thanks for being there when we needed you.

The Forest

The time has stopped, it’s moving so slowly. It seems to be in a loop, it keeps repeating itself. I can predict the movements of these guys and their actions. The moon looks much closer and bigger than before. Not the usual size. Why is it so bright? Is it saying something, trying to show us something? The peacocks and peahens are making sounds all around us. They do not mind us sharing their space, and enjoying the night-time and beauty of the clearance. I can hear Tool being played. It seems like the nature is communicating to us through the music. Whatever Maynard is saying makes perfect sense at this moment. Is all of this happening or am I imagining it?

My physical body is very tired and exhausted; the mind is very much active. Lying down on the wet grass and staring into space, the moon is evolving and changing shape. The physical body is on the ground but why do I feel like I am flying?

The night sky is beautiful. So many colours all around, the light from the streets is somehow illuminating the sky. It’s a mix of orange and red, blue and black. The trees are swaying and dancing all around us, enjoying the freedom of the nigh time. Cool breeze blows across my face, making me feel pleasant. We’re drifting through time and space, yet our physical presence feels grounded. 

I feel relaxed and connected. I feel matured, much calm than before, enjoying every bit of this scenic beauty. I don’t want it to end, but it will eventually. Now the only thing I can do is, try coming into this state of mind without psychedelic. Trying to feel like this, trying to viewing things from the psychedelic perspective. It’s been over a day when I finally pen this down, and somehow, I feel the same. I think my thought process has been altered. I feel much more at peace and spiritually connected. Also, I think I see sound in between from time to time.

If you notice close enough on this blog, you’d see that I wasn’t that active before April. Reason being, I was bombarded with exams, studies and other commitments. Now that, everything is out of the way, I have more time to think and interpret on things. Well, as most of my close friends and family members know, I have been selected into MIT Institute of Design, Pune. One of the best design schools in the country, where I’ll be pursuing bachelors of Design for the next four and a half years. Shifting to another city is pain in the ass really. I am trying to spend as much time with the near and dear ones really. I also feel pity at the kids trying to get into the Delhi University this year, and the kids who were entrancing for every damn thing on this planet.

College will be another four fold chapter of my life, where I plan to acquire more knowledge and learn new things. It’s hard to think about all the things and people, I will be leaving back in Delhi, only to visit them twice or thrice a year. Fucked up, isn’t it? Though after talking to a senior from college, my excitement has increased marginally and I am really looking forward to it.

Though, the funniest thing to happen while I was entrancing was the NLU Delhi exam, which I gave because I just felt like giving it. Being totally unprepared and not at all worried about the result because of the design seat waiting for me in Pune, I had a gala time, drinking six glasses of water, staring at the students, the invigilators and fiddling around with my bench. Shockingly, my result wasn’t that bad either. I got 80 out of 150.

Now that everything is out of the way, I am looking forward for the college life, putting up in a hostel and in a totally different state surrounded by people I’ll meet for the first time. I might end up with few close friends or none at all. Which will be an experience in it self. Sharing a room with a fellow like minded guy will be welcome nevertheless. Oh, just to rub it in, I won’t have exams in my college. Yeah, get jealous now, everyone is. :P

Till next time. 

The Moon

I made this is in absolute darkness with just two pencils. It is just a clichéd attempt to show how we humans are fueling the scenic beauty of the environment and the night time beauty and the positive energy of the moon. I had no clear idea what I had manage to make in the darkness of the ground till the time I came back home later that night. The moon, a thing of beauty shines upon us with its positive energy and illuminates our surroundings with clear light and we go on to go and spread darkness with our negative actions, reactions and fights. This was the night before the total lunar eclipse.

Till next time.

What do you see?

I made this as part of my MIT design portfolio. Material used is canvas and acrylic paint. I did not use a ghetto, because I did not want the smooth touch to the paint and background. I like it rough. The paint lines are not perfectly straight, because then it would be too pre decided. Imperfect is perfect in its own sense. As most people who know about colors, would know red stands for love and black can be used for negativity. Same is the case here. What do you see in it? I see two souls separated because of negativity and miss communication, but what came in between us?

Altered State of Consciousness

For the people who don’t know, since Shaurya, a really close friend passed away, my consumption of psychedelic drugs has increased. Yes, one can say I am a pot head. But, I would still not suggest that for your daily consumption or if you are a kid. I don’t do psychedelics because I find it cool, for most of the time I have tried to reach within myself and seek answers. I have been to places far beyond the reasons of human mind. I have seen and felt things hard to explain. I’ve been to the other side, drifting through time and space but I know for certain, I have a voice calling me back to reality when I’m done.

I have a deeper connection with myself. I understand the purpose. For what and how I think, is not how you’d react to your surroundings. I have started to view things from a different aspect, from another angle. Things don’t fall in the same black and white/ positive and negative anymore, they are somewhere in between. I have tried my best to push my mental boundaries; I have tried to reach out to the greater good. I know, in the process I may put my self at danger. But, now I have embraced the fact that change is good. Whatever happens, it will be for the good. I return a different person every time. Someway or the other I change. I know it is hard to digest the fact when someone talks like this, but that is the bitter truth.

I feel more connected to life, to nature and on the whole to human existence. Life is too short to sit and worry. Most times, I push harder to go back through meditation and deep thinking. Being in the altered state of consciousness has thought me to embrace my desires and work towards them. I have seen and felt things that till today, when I think about them make the hair on my skin stand up. I have had out of body experiences and I have felt the spiral within me, I have seen it front of my eyes, I have hallucinated.

Life is different now. I am coming in terms with my flaws. But, I continue to push my boundaries and keep going. I have taken mind altering substances to go to places I thought I’d never go to, but now I want to try and go there without psychedelic drugs.

Till next time.

Who you be?

We were asked the same question yesterday, while entering a friend’s colony gate. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed it is not that tough to spot a stoner amongst the crowd of ‘normal’ people. There isn’t anything wrong with the stoners, then why use the word normal for others? Simple enough, because stoners according to others and their perspective are weird and slightly strange people. A question we are often asked is, where are you going and where are you from? Not that we look strange or are wearing clothes which are mismatch or torn at places. We are dressed decently, at least most of the time.

I stone occasionally and quite enjoy my trips. I get to think a lot and ponder on things. Try to connect with my inner self and look for answers. Just because, a person has long beard, untidy messed up hair, does not mean there is something wrong with him. The strange and weird outlook is an image the society has made in its mind, that brands us as fishy.

Another thing, that has quite pissed me off is, banning psychedelic drugs in the society. Personally, I find it quite stupid. If the community is stupid enough to legalize nicotine and alcohol, legalizing marijuana and acid won’t kill them. Okay, go ahead ensure the consumption, and sale is regulated with age and environment. It is not like, I am saying it is perfectly safe for us to use them, but everything has pros and cons, and the day you start favouring between them, you loose your entitlement to judge things.

And, also, just to get few facts right, these psychedelic drugs are not addictive nor can you over doze on them.

People are scared about almost anything new in life, hence they try to stop in from happening before even trying.

Just my two cents. 

how live music is evolving.

I went for an Indian Ocean gig few weeks back, they played at the Hard Rock Cafe thing. The venue was unusually overcroweded for the gig. Though, I had a horrid time trying to shoot the gig, I did manage to get some pretty decent photographs. (They can be bought too)






What I noticed was, how music used to be all about enjoyment, now there is more camera and camera flash then fists in the air and LED's on stage. Well, I have posted a pic from the concert, which pretty much signifies the same and another photos of how the live music has evolved.

Delhi

So, I’ve been away for a while. Somehow or the other, life finds a way to stick a big stick up ones ass, somewhat the same happened to me. Studies, with the help of college entrance preparation barley left me time to just sit and think. Now, that every thing is out of the way, I can sit around, read books and most importantly, go in a peaceful state of mind.

So I figured, I can ramble here more often.

I met few friends a while back, and that led to a little bit of smoking up. One joint down, I was pretty laid back and in a peaceful state of mind, I started to think, traveling home in a DTC bus. The ride itself, is an experience, people should have. I’m not talking about those mid afternoons empty bus rides, but the peak hours in the evening when everyone is returning home.

Firstly, getting into a crowded over crowded bus is a challenge in itself. One can spend hours, figuring out the correct and safe way in. Trust me when I say this, there isn’t any. Once inside, you are surrounded with people from every caste and class of life. Surrounded by these common men; and tripping on that joint, I started thinking. If one needs to figure out what the common man really wants, they should totally get into a bus and travel with them.

I wonder, if any Prime Minister or Chief Minister even will ever get into one. I saw loads of faces around me, thought about taking a few portrait shots, but was too squeezed in between people to reach my camera. Now, to think about it…I’m going to travel more in buses to try and capture that one image about the ‘aam janta’, common man. With, possibly only few more weeks left for me in Delhi before I’m packed of to college, I am going to try and capture as much of this city as I can. Will upload some here too and some on my facebook page. Some frames will be available for sale too, details coming soon.

Street photography should be fun. Constructive criticism is welcome on the images.

Celebrating his Life

Life has been one hell of a journey, thus far. It has been one hell of a ride, hi and lo it has been fun.

Jut the other day, traveling in the auto, I saw a guy in a BMW with what seemed to be a bird’s nest in place of his hair. He seemed to be of an average height, fair completion, wearing specs, and tapping along on the driving wheel to the beats of the jazz song playing softly in his car stereo. That was not what caught my eye, but the fact that he looked a lot like a close friend I have known for years.

I remember the time, when we all would sit on his terrace and look at the setting sun, with Tracy Chapman playing softly.

And there was this other time; when the four of us were going to Lajpat Nagar. En route to Fender On Stage, he parked his car and told us to get out, as we were in the other part of Lajpat Nagar, we had no idea why. Quietly leading the way, he took us to a grocery store, where he purchased about 10 packets of Lays chips. Asking us to help him out with the food, he carried few and walked on, coming to this ‘Aaloo Tikki’ wallah and one could see loads of rag picker kids, roaming around, begging for food and money from the people who had just spent not less than 30 rupees on snacks. And ironically, none of them had change to spare money for the poor hungry kids. Seeing Hari walking towards them, they came running and stood all around us giggling and smiling. Something, one doesn’t get too see often on a poor kids face. Handing each one of them the chips he sat next to them on the foot path and started chit chatting, and the other three of us realized, this was something he does often, which was confirmed when he asked us “who is coming back here with me next Tuesday?” “These kids don’t get to eat much, and people don’t really care about them. They are beaten up by the thullas, and make barely anything, with no parents they have nothing to do. I try my best to keep them away from drugs, and get those chips/ ghar ka khaana from time to time. Make me feel am a good person inside.”

Those ‘chatt pe tandoor’, impromptu jams, bus rides, chilling scenes, those so called intellectual talks about life, death and spirituality…listening to you playing drums, discovering new music. Most of it still happens, but it feels a little empty with you not around and sort of no interference from anyone asking “anyone up for momo’s?”

 “I wonder what happens when we die” said Shaan. “Reincarnation, you bitch.” I said. “That I know, but what happens in between? Are we alive? Can we feel anything, or are we alive yet dead?” Hari entered the room and after listening to our conversation, he interrupted- “Why talk about death and not living? Why don’t we talk about living? I mean agar mai marr gaya, toh I won’t want my family and friends to cry over my body and live in grievance for rest of their lives, but would want them to celebrate my life.”

It has been about a year since he passed away, I remember the date, 16^th February, 2010. And I know what followed afterwards for us all, but we all also remember, what he said once, “agar mai marr gaya, toh I won’t want my family and friends to cry over my body and live in grievance for rest of their lives, but would want them to celebrate my life.”

And, as he would want it, we celebrate his life every day, every time we jam, every time we chill at the Quila. Sometimes we pause for a second missing him, but there is always a smile, when we think about him.

I don’t cry because I lost a close friend, I smile that I knew him, though sometimes I feel bad that, Disha didn’t get to meet him.

In memory of Vidita hariharan 17^th February 1989- 16^th February 2010.

You will be missed.

PS: Radhika, if you read this, don’t kill me. Shaan if you read this, you still suck.